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Whose Fault is it?

Category: Our Archive

A long long time ago, God created the first human -- Adam. God loved the little fellow so much that he made him somewhat in his own image. The Lord, out of his infinite kindness, built a magnificent Garden that contained all the good things that any fellow would ever desire for his little favorite. Things were fine for a while. Adam lived and poked about in the Garden and God had a fun time watching him. Even living in the Garden of Eden can become unattractive, after a while. All play and no work. Eating to your gut's content and sleeping to your body's limpness. That's no life, that's condemnation to boredom.

What's life without having someone to challenge you, to fight with, or at least to talk to? So, Grandpa Adam, taking advantage of God's love for him, decided to plead with the Lord to do something about his boredom.

Adam: Dear Lord, I don't mean to be ungrateful. I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating me and giving me this paradise of a Garden with all its goodies. One problem: I am bored to death. Would you please give me a companion? I would be eternally grateful, not that I am not thankful already. I'll be even more grateful and I promise to worship you to the end of time.

God: Adam, I knew all along that I would hear from you before long; that you would not be satisfied to live in this magnificent Garden I have made for you, that you would ask for more. I have already done you a great favor without costing you a thing. From here on, I might consider any request from you, but at a price. No more freebies.

Adam: Lord, you're the Lord, right? You call the shots and dictate the terms. If I were God, I would do the same thing. Please tell me what it is going to cost me. I am counting on the fact that you are the most generous, the most benevolent and the most kind. So, give it to me and I promise not to dicker with you about the terms.

God: Well, it all depends on the quality of the companion you want me to give you. Keep in mind that in addition to the above attributes you so rightfully ascribed to me, I am also the most just. In my system, justice rules supreme. Hence, there is a fair price on everything -- rewards and punishments are the twin instruments of my rule.

Adam: Lord, God. I am really outgunned here and I know it. You tell me what it costs me and kindly allow me to decide among the offers. As always, it is your call.

God: I can give you a companion who is the personification of kindness, fun, beauty and a whole host of sweet attributes.

Adam: Lord, forgive me for interrupting you. You need say no more, I am already palpitating with excitement. Just name the price.

God: It will cost you two arms and two legs and an eye.

Adam: Lord, please make me another offer at a cost I can afford.

God: A woman, it will cost you only a rib.

Adam: Thank you, Lord. One rib I can easily spare. It's a deal. From that day forward, Adam and his rib -- re-made in the form of a woman and named "Eve" -- lived in the Garden of Eden. Together, they explored every nook and cranny of the Garden, checked on its fruit trees, watched its songbirds and other creatures. Before long, however, the attractions and fascinations of the Garden started to fade. No longer did the Original Couple jump out of bed every morning at dawn with the excitement of another day of exploration. They had seen and done it all, it seemed. Creative Couple that they were, they found a new attraction that held the promise of never afflicting them with the deathly state of boredom -- arguing. From that point on, they spent much of their time arguing with each other. Nothing whatsoever was unimportant not to argue about. Adam was bigger and he repeatedly intimidated Eve and reminded her of her subservient status -- being only one of his ribs. Eve wasn't going to take all his chauvinism lying down. She would stand her ground and say that it was she who saved him from deathly boredom. During one of those endless daily arguments, they hit on an idea. They decided to plead with God to do something about their boredom and prepared themselves to meet God's price, since they knew that God never gives anything for free. Adam, considering himself the first human, volunteered to supplicate God on the matter.

Adam: Dear Lord, let me first express my thanks for all your kindness to me -- the Garden and all. Also, I want you to know that you are adored in your own right for being who you are.

God: Okay, Adam, cut it out. Spell it out. What is it that you want?

Adam: Lord, is there any need to spell it out? You know what is in my heart. You know what is in anyone's heart!

God: Yes. But I like to hear it, if it is all just the same to you. Speak up, man, I am very busy. And keep in mind that I will not allow you to take advantage of the fact that I like you.

Adam: Sorry, Lord. Here it is. Eve was nice for a while. We had a great time. She knew her station -- as being created from one of my ribs.

God: Adam. You are taxing my patience. Recall that I know all this. Get to the point and tell me what you want.

Adam: Sorry, Lord, a thousand apologies. You see, Eve and I, our honeymoon has turned into vinegar. We are bored not only with the Garden, but also with each other. Don't get me wrong, Lord. We are, we indeed are, infinitely grateful to you for giving us everything. Things are automatically provided for us. But we can make extremely limited use of our brains since there are very few choices. Hence, we use our brains to argue with each other instead of dealing with the challenging problems of life.

God: Explain yourself.

Adam: What I mean is that we feel as if we are not all that different from the rest of the creatures in the Garden. We feel like we are programmed to lead our life in certain pre-ordained ways. We want to request that you de-program us so that we can be on our own -- so that we can make our own decisions about all aspects of our life.

God: I knew it would come to that. It was just a matter of time. It would be interesting to see how you make out. Are you certain you really want to trade in your guaranteed life for a life of uncertainty? Once I de-program you, you'll be on your own. You stand to reap the rewards as well as bear the costs for all your decisions. Are you ready for that?

Adam: Lord, once again my heart is palpitating with the excitement of anticipation. Yes, yes, please de-program us and send us on our way. Well, the rest is history, so to speak. Grandpa Adam made the original mistake by asking God for a companion to relieve his boredom. Grandma Eve compounded the problem by refusing to be simply a doormat and an entertaining creature for Adam. The two of them conspired and asked God to give them free will -- a limited one commensurate with their capacity. Then came the fateful business of eating the forbidden fruit. Eve is implicated in talking Adam into violating God's order. Eve vehemently denies the accusation, and says that God gave both of them brains and a free will to make the right choices. So the arguing that caused them to ask God for relief in the first place, not only cost them getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden, it is ruining the relationships of their descendants to this day. Ever since that time men have had women to blame. It isn't that women are completely blameless. They certainly are blame-worthy for many things: cardinal among them is giving birth to men who keep on violating more and more of God's commandments. Just one example: Who is responsible for giving the world Jihadist men who kill and maim innocent civilians -- men, women and children -- in the name of the All-Compassionate God? Some say women are. They contend that women, the life-givers, are the ones who have a greater appreciation for the preciousness of life. They are the ones who should take the lead in raising men of peace and love rather than beasts of violence and hate. Humanity's best hope rests with women. They are the ones who are more likely to take the human tribe back to the Garden of Eden by making the earth a reflection of heaven.

2006-07-15 12:01:07
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