-- Amil Imani

The Bible says it is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel pass through the eye of the needle. It may indeed be most difficult for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Yet, the Bible does not say it is impossible. Hence, there must be ways of overcoming the difficulty. Below is the story of a very rich man, Hajji Agha, who had the foresight to see the seriousness of the problem and took the necessary measures to provide for his afterlife as agreeably as he had for his earthly life. This account shows that it is indeed possible to be rich and, at the same time, assure oneself of admission into heaven.

Being the observing Shia that he is, President Ahmadinejad, Mahmood (let’s call him PAM, for short) has adopted for himself a Marjae Taghleed (Spiritual Guide, Point of Emulation), as recommended by Shia doctrine. The Spiritual Guide, chosen from the ranks of the clergy, supposedly personifies a living example of piety to be consulted in all matters, revered and emulated. It is no secret that Ayatollah Mesbah Yazdi (let’s call him AMY, for short) is Ahmadinejad’s Point of Emulation. AMY is nicknamed crocodile for his reptilian brains, by his numerous “admirers.” Given the high office Ahmadinejad holds, he has free access to AMY and frequently seeks solace and guidance from him on religious as well as matters of the state. Furthermore, AMY often times serves the role of father figure, confidant, as well as therapist for PAM.

In the name of God the Merciful, the Compassionate

I, Hasan, the son of Akbar, resident of the village of Saraab, being of sound mind and resolute belief in Muhammad, praise be upon him (PBUH) and the 12 Imams, the Pure Ones, declare this here as my last and final will and testament.

I have found it my sacred duty to answer the call and volunteer as suicide martyr for any mission that our Olama (religious leaders) assign to this humble servant.