-- Amil Imani

The Bible says it is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel pass through the eye of the needle. It may indeed be most difficult for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Yet, the Bible does not say it is impossible. Hence, there must be ways of overcoming the difficulty. Below is the story of a very rich man, Hajji Agha, who had the foresight to see the seriousness of the problem and took the necessary measures to provide for his afterlife as agreeably as he had for his earthly life. This account shows that it is indeed possible to be rich and, at the same time, assure oneself of admission into heaven.

On a sunny autumn mid-morning Friday a huge howl made me run out of the house I was visiting to see what was happening. I rushed toward the sound. It was coming from the center of the village. The minute I saw the source, I brought myself to a screeching halt. It was a large gathering. A huge mullah—Shiite cleric—was seated on a chair under the shade of a solitary tree preaching. Men on one side on the ground took up about a third of a circle and women covered the ground on the other side. A narrow fire lane separated the fire from the kindling. I scanned the place quickly to decide my next move. Stay. But sit on that far away boulder. It is a safe place. You can see and hear things, yet you won’t be part of the ado. You won’t stick out either. See those three older men seated on that boulder far from the gathering taking turn at the water pipe; see the cluster of young men standing at a distance gawking. Why aren’t these men participating in the religious event? Are these men dissenters, skeptics or heathens? I suppose every group has its share of non-conformists. Some little boys are kicking a ball farther out. So, sit down and take in the scene.

Islam is in shambles for a variety of reasons. A major problem with Islam is that there are as many different versions of Islam as there are Islamic pundits and there are legions of them. Another reason why Islam is in shambles is that it is all things to all people. Even a cursory study of the Qur’an, the immutable word of God, as Muslims see it; the Hadith, the authoritative sayings of the Prophet; and, the Sunna, the Prophet’s life conduct, present a body of contradictory and even outright erroneous information. This body of Islamic doctrine enables a person to pick and choose the parts he likes and ignore those he doesn’t like. This feature explains why some of the good as well as the most beastly people are Muslims.

Being the observing Shia that he is, President Ahmadinejad, Mahmood (let’s call him PAM, for short) has adopted for himself a Marjae Taghleed (Spiritual Guide, Point of Emulation), as recommended by Shia doctrine. The Spiritual Guide, chosen from the ranks of the clergy, supposedly personifies a living example of piety to be consulted in all matters, revered and emulated. It is no secret that Ayatollah Mesbah Yazdi (let’s call him AMY, for short) is Ahmadinejad’s Point of Emulation. AMY is nicknamed crocodile for his reptilian brains, by his numerous “admirers.” Given the high office Ahmadinejad holds, he has free access to AMY and frequently seeks solace and guidance from him on religious as well as matters of the state. Furthermore, AMY often times serves the role of father figure, confidant, as well as therapist for PAM.

In the name of God the Merciful, the Compassionate

I, Hasan, the son of Akbar, resident of the village of Saraab, being of sound mind and resolute belief in Muhammad, praise be upon him (PBUH) and the 12 Imams, the Pure Ones, declare this here as my last and final will and testament.

I have found it my sacred duty to answer the call and volunteer as suicide martyr for any mission that our Olama (religious leaders) assign to this humble servant.

The world is captivated by the sudden rise of a relatively unknown to the presidency of the Islamic Republic of Iran, for his torrent of outrageous statements and claims. He has, thus, in a short time acquired great many appellations. He is viewed as zealot, fascist, fanatic, anti-Semitic, lunatic and more. One prominent Western columnist called him “unhinged.” All these labels aim, in part, to dismiss the man as an aberration. As someone who is in urgent need of psychological help, a person out of touch with reality who represents nothing of substance.